Today is a very solemn day. The solemn part of today is the fact that i stepped on the scale and it said 79. I jumped for joy. But shortly afterward, I realized that 79 is not good. The part that is even more twisted, is the fact that i looked in the mirror and i just see fat everywhere, despite the concrete evidence to the contrary.Last night on entertainment tonight, they did a story on isabelle caro, the model who posed nude in those no to anorexia posters. My mom made some snide remark " are you trying to compete with her?" and i was just so turned off by that.. granted the whole time watching the segment, i was thinking ..wow, she has very pronounced chest bones... mine don't measure up anymore.This thing is so twisted and i am so completely out of control, but at the same time i am afraid to give up my control that my eating disorder gives me. I just want this to all stop.Sunday at church, the pastor started to sing his song " never would have made it" ( shameless plug: If you don't have marvin sapp's album thirsty..GET WITH THE PROGRAM..IT IS A BLESSING WAITING TO HAPPEN).. I completely fell apart, to the point where my aunt had to physically pick me up and hold me to keep me on my feet. I am just so tired of this disordered life, but yet i can't stop. I am hoping that i can get started on the road to recovery.
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Okay, It\'s time. You said to me that you would call when you got to 80 pounds, now you are at 79 pounds. You really need people who are experienced and trained in the field of eating disorder recovery.
Again, I will give you the phone number of the lady who helped me. Jeannie Rust of Mirasol.520-546-3200 or 1-888-520-1700. Do it now before you are so sick they have to put you in a hospital type treatment. Do it now while you can still make choices.
I know eating disorder is so strong... :( hugs,khodem-kathy
hey girl i\'m worried about u hun! as i\'m worried for all of us who have an ED cos sumtimes i think we do 4get just how serious it is! Like we slip in and out of reality with it and our image!
You have reached the stage where it\'s really not a good idea to loose anmore weight realistically but sadly ED is not gna let u always no this reality! so i really hope you do call that number of talk to sum1 professional! you cant let this beat u i mean u gt sooo much to live for u dnt wna die from this now ur young and gt ur whole life ahead of u dnt let it become too late! Just try not to panic though ( i know it\'s hard!) but tke baby steps get this help u need and see what they say! big hugs coming ur way! plz dnt let ED have anymore control over u! u have thee strength! and endless support here!
I am just so devestated to read that your weight has dropped so low. On the same note, I am thrilled to read that you are becoming more and more aware of your illness every day. I can\'t wait to hear that you are in recovery. Just hand on sweetie.