The day after my 39th birthday I thought I was making progress. I stopped taking most of my meds's, lost 50lbs, told my therapist I was doing fine and that she should take a much needed break. I was doing fine, Yes I still suffered with my occasional ups and downs and my minimal dose of Xanax for anxiety, but I was In control. Sorrowfully it turns out being Bipolar can make you feel like your on top of the world and I was even if only for a brief moment. I became wiser, bolder, more independent thought I could manage but in reality that's all I'll ever succeed in doing, managing standing inches away from the beakoning edge trying to convince myself not to jump off. Reality is I'm just a sick girl and the only one who will ever truly understand what my distorted brain deals with daily is me.
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You are not alone. Even when you think you are. Many people have the same issues you do. But, you feel alone most the time. I can relate. Especially right now. Keep looking up. That will help!!
Oh boy can I relate to the last sentence. Sometimes I try hard to understand the root of my sadness and a way to describe it to someone on the outside. I feel it\'s an overactive brain. It\'s like I have too many flooding and racing thoughts. They go and go and exhaust me with emotions that I\'m not even sure why I\'m subjecting myself to - sadness, fear, guilt, worry... and that\'s when shit is fine in life. Now when I then have to also deal with crap in addition to that.... it can be more debilitating. Then, some miraculous days I seem to wake up and I feel good. It\'s like the meds and the stars and planets all align perfectly but it\'s not consistent and that part is horrible. A big comfort comes from knowing others can relate in their own way because I often feel very isolated (even if I\'m not literally isolated). I feel trapped in my head sometimes. The struggle is real. Big hug for you... and me :)