Getting better...

Feeling much better, more “balanced” after I started to distract myself with something else like watching a good baseball game or something more purposeful like clipping the dead roses and other flowers, so they can regenerate throughout the season. My Pit Bull/Boxer and Boxer are so intuitive and a great comfort to be around, well actually during my down times they’re surrounding me, where ever I may be sitting. If I lay down during the day my Pit licks my face and then lies down next to me. I intentionally picked those breeds in part for their family-oriented behavior and a need for attention from others. And anyone who’s owned a dog before knows how they greet you at the door, like you’ve been gone forever. Happy tails, jumping around, waiting to get rubbed and then a dog cookie; that can really change your mood or at least bring a bright spot to an otherwise difficult day. I owe A LOT of my success in recovering from that abusive marriage that ended over 2 yr ago. The cost of keeping them fed with high quality all natural food ($110/month) and around $700 budgeted for vet bills a year is more than worth it. Cheap therapy and on call no less! :- )
DS has been an integral part of my healing, getting feedback and sometimes just someone to unload on, which we all need now and then. A quiet listener who has maybe already been there in your place or is presently. All it takes is the light from one human spiritual being to clear out the immediate darkness, to show a light of hope and peace, instead of despair, desperation and conflict through our insights, support and sharing with one another!
The total irony of it though is that it was my ex who first introduced me to DS, so at least one positive thing came out of it, given this “first aid kit” of sorts to get my head back together and mend my heart; reenergize my Spirit/soul.
One last thing…the alternate psychiatrist at the VA eliminated taking the Seroquel 25 mg during the day, unless I need it for my nerves and anxiety, because it is contradicting the Wellbrutrin I take twice a day for depression. One lowers my dopamine level and the other increases it, because he said in combination with my other meds before bedtime I should NOT be having these horrific nightmares nightly. All that Seroquel should be taking care of that, so gradually adding on by 20 and 25mg over time, I just started last Friday.
Having dreams where you are about to die by some painful event, like being on a roller coaster that’s headed towards a collapsed set of tracks ahead and you can see it coming at some point. These night issues are also associated with the Wellbrutrin and while my daughter took it as a quit smoking aid, she talked to me about it, as she’s aware of my condition and the meds I take. She too experienced the same type of terrifying dreams, of getting killed by someone, getting into a car wreck, etc, so if this latest treatment don’t work, will try alternate new depressants that have come out.
The depression is my main concern, as I can live with the other craziness in my mind, that comes and goes, I can differentiate what’s real and what’s not and know how to deal with it cognitively and otherwise; but the deep dark hole can last for days, weeks and months if it’s not managed.   It’s like a jail of darkness.