struggling

I am still struggling so much with what I did.  OM is not out of the picture since he has been shadowing me when I am in his area working.  H sent him an e-mail again threatening a restraining order if he doesn't knock it off.  I am not upset with him.  He is hurting bad just like all of us but he needs to find a way to get on with life.  
Today was a grieving and remorse day.  I worked alone for almost 11 hrs today and I bawled repeatedly.  So sad.  So remorseful.  so much pain.  My eyes still burn and it is easy for me to start up again.  H has been wonderful.  So loving and supportive.  Going on 5 mos since DDAY.  When will this get easier?  I know.  It takes longer than this but some days I feel like I am going backwards.
Off to the gym now with H.  The hot tub always makes things better.  :-)