I\'ve written a song about Maggie and have sent it to her agent in L.A. It\'s sung to the Tune \"I\'m Too Sexy\". It goes, \"I\'m...too chubby for my shirt...too chubby for my shirt...when I wear it it hurts. I\'m...too horny for this song...too horny for this song...I know its so wrong! I love you, Maggie!\" The last line doesn\'t rhyme so well. Its hard to find words that rhyme with \"Maggie\". I really don\'t want to use \"saggy\" or \"baggie\", so I\'m limited. Stay tuned!
Well, ok, so the restraining order puts my plans back a bit! But maybe if I can learn Mandarin or make her believe I\'m rich, or both, she\'ll reconsider. Of course, the hit man she hired to take me out is turning out to be a problem too. Sigh...what\'s a guy to do?!?!
MAYbe I should play hard to get! That\'s it. That\'s the ticket. Chicks can\'t RESIST a guy who plays hard to get! Ok, Maggie, I guess, I\'m just not interested in you! I\'m not attracted to you anymore. Its over.........no, wait a minute. That\'s not working either. DAMN it!
Maybe you should look for words that rhyme with the letter Q. IE:
Maggie Q ooh wooh,
Oh how I love you ooh wooh
I wanna walk with you,
talk with you, Maggie Q ooh (done to the Jungle Book melody of I wanna be like you).
Alright, so the police are saying I should come out and release all the hostages, but I\'m holding out for at least a PHONE conversation with Maggie. I mean, after all, I have her parents here, and they\'re REALLY pissed.
Well, she never called, and I\'m tired of her parents complaining to me in Mandarin. So annoying, so I let them go. I may have to revise my goal of marrying Maggie by the end of the month. The police say my bail is going to be quite high and that I\'m gonna be in here for a while. Maybe she\'ll visit me! Yeah, that\'s it. Oh, I wish we were married so I could have conjugal visits. I\'m getting some interesting attention from some of the inmates here, and its making me nervous.
Sorry I haven\'t updated in a couple of days but computer access is limited here in jail and most of the guys pull rank so I don\'t get a chance to keep current. I had to \"give it up\" to one of them for time on here so I wanted to write. I think Maggie is coming around! I hear that her parents are only wanting to charge me with assault and false imprisonment, rather than AGGRAVATED assault and false imprisonment, which carries a much higher jail term. I have to believe that\'s because Maggie has intervened on my behalf. Oh, I just KNEW she\'d start to appreciate me one day! Things are so looking up that...wait a minute...crap, another huge guy wants to use the computer so I hav
Well, I got my brother\'s family to throw my bail so I\'m out...thankfully. It was less fun in prison than you might think. I know that trying to find Maggie to propose is a useless idea - it\'ll never happen. I realize that now. I intend to do a sculpture of her out of beef balogna. She\'ll see it - on CNN or somewhere similar I think - and know how much I care. Am off to the store. I wonder how much of that stuff I need...?
Its unbelievable how much this stuff smells and its not as easy to work with as I thought it would be. Last night I watched Balls of Fury. I\'d like to be reincarnated as Maggie\'s red Asian outfit - the one she wears for the ping pong match against her boyfriend toward the end of the movie. Oh, well. Maggie, if you\'re reading this, the bologna statue looks a little, well, rough around the edges, but its the thought that counts, and I really love you. I hope you like bologna!
Ok, so I had to toss all of that bologna. Its a little embarrassing, but Maggie\'s breasts were sagging badly - I just couldn\'t keep the bologna in place. Plus, warm bologna in that quantity is sufficient to make the neighbors complain. Anyway, unless she contacts me in the next day or two, I\'m going to have to admit that marrying her by the end of this month is pretty unrealistic. At this point, I\'d settle for an autographed photo. Maggie, if you\'re out there, call me. We can meet in Vegas for a quickie wedding at that Elvis Chapel. Please. Don\'t make me track down your parents and kidnap them again. They were SO annoying. I don\'t think they like me.
Ok, Maggie. I get it. You don\'t want to marry me. Its alright, understandable, etc. I won\'t bother you about that anymore. But how about sex? Surely THAT would be a good compromise!!! Get back to me as soon as possible. Many thanks.
Its Saturday morning and I\'m waiting for her call so that I can make plane reservations for Vegas! Why hasn\'t Maggie gotten a hold of me? I had to get rid of all the bologna - dogs were scratching and barking at my door all night. I guess that I\'ll just have to admit that she doesn\'t love me. Oh, well. Maybe I should start another goal on this site. Let\'s see...how about...trying to get Paris Hilton to read a book?!? No, wait. That\'d be too hard. That could NEVER happen. Anyway, I\'ll think of something. Thanks for all the support!
Decided to go to Vegas and meet Maggie there. Am figuring that she has been reading my posts but is too shy to respond. I\'m on my way to the Elvis Chapel and will wait for you there, Maggie. I have the Honeymoon suite reserved for tomorrow night at the Hard Rock so, please call me as soon as you get into town! This is going to be GREAT!!!
Replies
I\'ve written a song about Maggie and have sent it to her agent in L.A. It\'s sung to the Tune \"I\'m Too Sexy\". It goes, \"I\'m...too chubby for my shirt...too chubby for my shirt...when I wear it it hurts. I\'m...too horny for this song...too horny for this song...I know its so wrong! I love you, Maggie!\" The last line doesn\'t rhyme so well. Its hard to find words that rhyme with \"Maggie\". I really don\'t want to use \"saggy\" or \"baggie\", so I\'m limited. Stay tuned!
Well, ok, so the restraining order puts my plans back a bit! But maybe if I can learn Mandarin or make her believe I\'m rich, or both, she\'ll reconsider. Of course, the hit man she hired to take me out is turning out to be a problem too. Sigh...what\'s a guy to do?!?!
MAYbe I should play hard to get! That\'s it. That\'s the ticket. Chicks can\'t RESIST a guy who plays hard to get! Ok, Maggie, I guess, I\'m just not interested in you! I\'m not attracted to you anymore. Its over.........no, wait a minute. That\'s not working either. DAMN it!
Maybe you should look for words that rhyme with the letter Q. IE:
Maggie Q ooh wooh,
Oh how I love you ooh wooh
I wanna walk with you,
talk with you, Maggie Q ooh (done to the Jungle Book melody of I wanna be like you).
Its cuter that way and less likely to get you a restraining order :D
Alright, so the police are saying I should come out and release all the hostages, but I\'m holding out for at least a PHONE conversation with Maggie. I mean, after all, I have her parents here, and they\'re REALLY pissed.
Well, she never called, and I\'m tired of her parents complaining to me in Mandarin. So annoying, so I let them go. I may have to revise my goal of marrying Maggie by the end of the month. The police say my bail is going to be quite high and that I\'m gonna be in here for a while. Maybe she\'ll visit me! Yeah, that\'s it. Oh, I wish we were married so I could have conjugal visits. I\'m getting some interesting attention from some of the inmates here, and its making me nervous.
Sorry I haven\'t updated in a couple of days but computer access is limited here in jail and most of the guys pull rank so I don\'t get a chance to keep current. I had to \"give it up\" to one of them for time on here so I wanted to write. I think Maggie is coming around! I hear that her parents are only wanting to charge me with assault and false imprisonment, rather than AGGRAVATED assault and false imprisonment, which carries a much higher jail term. I have to believe that\'s because Maggie has intervened on my behalf. Oh, I just KNEW she\'d start to appreciate me one day! Things are so looking up that...wait a minute...crap, another huge guy wants to use the computer so I hav
Well, I got my brother\'s family to throw my bail so I\'m out...thankfully. It was less fun in prison than you might think. I know that trying to find Maggie to propose is a useless idea - it\'ll never happen. I realize that now. I intend to do a sculpture of her out of beef balogna. She\'ll see it - on CNN or somewhere similar I think - and know how much I care. Am off to the store. I wonder how much of that stuff I need...?
Its unbelievable how much this stuff smells and its not as easy to work with as I thought it would be. Last night I watched Balls of Fury. I\'d like to be reincarnated as Maggie\'s red Asian outfit - the one she wears for the ping pong match against her boyfriend toward the end of the movie. Oh, well. Maggie, if you\'re reading this, the bologna statue looks a little, well, rough around the edges, but its the thought that counts, and I really love you. I hope you like bologna!
Ok, so I had to toss all of that bologna. Its a little embarrassing, but Maggie\'s breasts were sagging badly - I just couldn\'t keep the bologna in place. Plus, warm bologna in that quantity is sufficient to make the neighbors complain. Anyway, unless she contacts me in the next day or two, I\'m going to have to admit that marrying her by the end of this month is pretty unrealistic. At this point, I\'d settle for an autographed photo. Maggie, if you\'re out there, call me. We can meet in Vegas for a quickie wedding at that Elvis Chapel. Please. Don\'t make me track down your parents and kidnap them again. They were SO annoying. I don\'t think they like me.
Ok, Maggie. I get it. You don\'t want to marry me. Its alright, understandable, etc. I won\'t bother you about that anymore. But how about sex? Surely THAT would be a good compromise!!! Get back to me as soon as possible. Many thanks.
u confuse me Dave! LOL!
Its Saturday morning and I\'m waiting for her call so that I can make plane reservations for Vegas! Why hasn\'t Maggie gotten a hold of me? I had to get rid of all the bologna - dogs were scratching and barking at my door all night. I guess that I\'ll just have to admit that she doesn\'t love me. Oh, well. Maybe I should start another goal on this site. Let\'s see...how about...trying to get Paris Hilton to read a book?!? No, wait. That\'d be too hard. That could NEVER happen. Anyway, I\'ll think of something. Thanks for all the support!
Decided to go to Vegas and meet Maggie there. Am figuring that she has been reading my posts but is too shy to respond. I\'m on my way to the Elvis Chapel and will wait for you there, Maggie. I have the Honeymoon suite reserved for tomorrow night at the Hard Rock so, please call me as soon as you get into town! This is going to be GREAT!!!