Today I heard from my mother-in-law, a woman I have loved for over 27 years. She said she had met my husband's girlfriend. I was really upset on several counts. She lives a day's drive away. He hasn't been able to scrape up the $206 to file in the last 8 weeks but he has been out of state twice, including this visit. He keeps procrastinating and owes our attorney $1500 so she can finish drafting the divorce papers. Am I a relic? I am disgusted by the way he takes her everywhere and is introducing her to everyoine and we are not even legally separated. I cannot believe he brought his girlfriend home to meet his mother while I am still his wife! Is there no moral code anymore? Is there no decency? I told his mom that now that she gave in and met her there was no leverage left at all. Why should he try and finish this divorce when it doesn't matter to his life-style at all? Oh, I remember reading The Scarlet Letter in high school and thinking it was so harsh. Surely there should be some sense of guilt or belief in respect, though? My relationship with his relatives is altered. they say they want him to be happy and we have to accept the change even if we didn't like how it happened- with an affair. I agree to a certain point, but I think one relationship should end before another begins. I can see my husband dragging this out month after month just to annoy me. I cannot get past the feelings I have about this. Iwant the marriage over NOW. I want some sense of fairness. I am tired of him telling me that I am just a technicality, now. How could this be someone I once loved? How could this be the man who swore we would grow old together? How do I keep their relationship from upsetting me? It is NOT that I want him anymore. It is mostly the lack of respect for over a year and a half, now, that gets to me. Oh, yeah, and the financial mess he caused, too, of course. He won't help pay for our daughters expenses except for a token c.s. amount each month and he won't even LOOK for a f/t job. I am having such a hard time trying to accept that he ill not change. I keep hoping for him to behave better toward me. Are my reactions typical of someone who was dumped-AND left in a financial mess?
Replies
First of all, if the purpose of your MIL\'s call was to give you this little tidbit of news, I would be seriously questioning YOUR relationship with her. Perhaps it\'s time to \"cool it\" -- at least until you have a final divorce decree in your hand.
The things you wrote about are, indeed, outrageous and in my opinion, legitimate reasons for your sense of outrage. His behavior is immoral, irresponsible and STUPID. If you have an attorney, I would strongly advise you to unleash him/her on your stbx. Otherwise, you are going to be waiting quite awhile for all of this divorce stuff to be over with.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, my dear, but it\'s TIME to GIVE UP HOPE. He has shown you WHO HE REALLY IS. Believe him! Do what you must to get this divorce over with and then DO NOT LOOK BACK. He does not deserve you. He will \"get his\" soon enough. Make sure you GET YOURS NOW!
Kathi is right--I kept thinking during my separation and divorce that if I was nice to my ex, he would be nice to me. Total bullshit! He also introduced his skank ho/now wife to his mom and dad a scant two weeks after I kicked him out. I also thought there should be some loyalty and realized there is--it\'s called \'blood is thicker than water.\'
The best thing you can do is push the attorney to finish the divorce. If you wait for him, he will do nothing. Face it, there is no incentive for him to complete the divorce--right now he has his cake and can eat it too. YOU will have to take the reins on this and get it done if you truly want to be free and heal.
Sending you healing hugs! I know how frustrating this can be.
He won\'t sign the parental agreement which is done, because the other part isn\'t. (the financial- because the attorney wasn\'t paid) I need a quick claim deed to refi the house to pay him his share and he thinks I will somehow cheat him if he signs it.. He won\'t pay his share of the fees. My attorney said there is a way to proceed w/o him but I really need him to pay her the $1500. And, no, My mil did not call to tell me this. She is deeply disappointed in him and wished things were otherwise. It is just that she is 90 and really cannot handle the stress of the situation so she is trying to be accepting of the situation. After all, out of state she will barely ever see the woman- as she doesn\'t really leave her building much anymore yet alone live near us.I am walking a tight rope now though with negotiations because so far he has not stooped to wanting alimony. the c.s is not enough for the daughters\' groceries, but I do not want to get him all riled up and then have him try to get more money from me. I just want him to sign the papers so we can be done.then he and his precious new thing can do whatever they want. she is such a gem that she told me she knows how I feel (by text) because her husband ceated on her several times! I think she actually thought I would appreciate that bit of news. Instead it just made her sink even lower in my esteem. You KNOW what it is like so you do it to someone else? And B, well, there is noway I want to be with him anymore, like Cowgirl, I did nearly everything for so long I didn\'t even realize how badly ignored I was. I want to move on, but I NEED the divorce papers to do so. It is just who I am...
I\'m so sorry that you are going through this. I\'m sorry that your MIL has to witness this in her golden years. I feel so bad for you and don\'t have any advice to offer. Just know that I\'m here for support and if you need to talk.
Maybe you an get your MIL to give you the money...
The sooner you can get this divorce over, the sooner you can start to make a new life for you and your girls. Is there any way you can pay the atty. fees.
He knows exactly what he is doing. He is holding everyone hostage until he decides it\'s time to sign papers. Can\'t the atty. explain that there is no trick to him signing the papers you need?
He is supposed to see her tomorrow. but he has put off seeingher for 2 months so I am not holding my breath.