well we made it throught the new year and c-mas actually i'm glad its over. theresa came up over the holidays (kellys ex girlfriend of 3 years) and its always so nice to spend time with her. she was like on of my own -they were together all the time. i wanted to get on here and write down my feelings and i did get on here last night and once i started to write the computer shut down so maybe i wasn't supposed to write just then. i decided to read the book of Job. he lost everything so maybe i can get some comfort or insight from his writing.for me i just feel like there really is no peace or comfort- things are still just the same as they were right after kellys accident -the pain just as deep the hurt and sadness just as bad if not worse. the more time goes by the more i miss him and i wish i could hear his voice-i do have him a video and that helps and the realization of the things that will surely come to pass-people do move on and they forget but i never will and i don't want to accept his death or move on how can i. i always said if something happened to one of my kids i would go crazy, die, kill myself , never be the same i said it all and it's all true. i have done all of those things except for one and i think the only reason i haven't done that is because of chels. i am still so uncertain about what really happens to you where is kelly whats he doing and will i ever see him again and if i do will it be the same as where we left off. i have been robbed of so many things and i guess i have been given so many things to. i do have to believe that god did protect me from things during his death that could of been so much worse. i try to tell myself do and be what kelly would want you to but i know he understand and realizes that i'm doing the best i can. he knows how much i love him and i told him constantly if anything ever happened to him or chels i would lose it so he knows. i really hope that heaven is a remarkable place with animals, mountains, seas, colors , emotion, trees, nature and things to do and see. kelly lived life to its fullest and he had alot of living left to do. i miss him so much. i think of you all often and i know i'm not alone on this journey . take care and god bless
Replies
I\'m happy you took time to write. I too thought I had all these beliefs then when something like this happens it makes you questions those beliefs. I think that is very normal. We have to have faith and learn to live with faith and not fear. It\'s a constant struggle but I am thankful for the almost 19 years I had my son here and that when he died our lives were harmonious. My last words to him were \"love ya\". I hope it is a comfort to you that Kelly knew how much you loved him. It does hurt and I think it always will but less intense someday. Please know I\'m thinking of you and here for you. I\'m so happy Chels is a great support for you. Love Robin
Everything you said you have felt and thought...I have too. Some days it hurts just like it did at first...but lately it has lessened a little...so I hope that I will be okay...that we will all be okay...I am so glad you had some time to write to let us know how you are doing. Please take care of yourself...love and peace...Karen
You said exactly how I feel. Hope you can find some peace & strenght. Love lucille
I too understand those feelings of saddness and loss. It\'s a struggle for us every day. Hang in there with us. Cyn
It\'s hard and it difficult to deal with all that we feel and for me the worst thing is knowing that their is nothing that I can do to have my Nannie back, I\'m hurt, I try just like everyone else. I feel your pain and I always have. What you feel is real and you have to say what you feel, when you feel it. Please don\'t let anyone tell you how to mourn for your son. Kelly is your son and he always will be. Lot of love to you.
Alisa
Glad to hear from you. I understand, I\'ve been hiding out of late. The pain is never ending and excruciating. I keep trying and so do you. Peace and blessings to you. Love and hugs Cathy
Yes, we made it through the new year. Let\'s take baby steps...one day at a time. Just get up and get dressed and cry...nothing more. Just one day at a time.