well i slept throught the night and today is another day. chels spent the night at her frineds house and now is sleeping peacfully on the couch and everytime i kiss her and hug her she warms my heart and then i think to myself your so ungrateful and not thankful for the things you do have so i hope i will have a better day today.  thanks to all who help me- i cry everytime i read kalas moms replies and it breaks my heart when i think of kelly making me a special cloud and then waiting for my response and all i can do it b*tch because i don't have him and i know that would make him sad so i do need to stop that. and annabeth, i don't know if you all are familar with her but she is so sweet , she lost her brother who was also a twin and she has alot to deal with and i guess when i think of her i think of chels and here is this sweet young girl who lost her best friend( they were very close) and has so much to deal with and she is on here giving me comfort- god bless here,and aarons grandmother- i love her spirit , and shannons mom my heart breaks for her all the time, and all the rest of my friends i do appreciate all of you and really  you are helpful i just don't know how helpful i am sometimes to all of you. thanks again carol