well another night at work is always torture. every morning around 5 thoughts invade my head of kelly and then the whys why was he going so faST WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENDED THAT NIGHT DID HE SWERVE TO AVOID HITTING SOMETHING WAS SOMEoNE ELSE INVOLVED WHY DID THIS TERRIBLE THING HAPPEN . THEN I GET MAD AND THEN I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANT MY SON BACK AND THEN I THINK ABOUT HOW RiDICULOUS A THING THAT Is TO ASK FOR . AND THEN I WONDER STUFF LIKE ARE WE ALL JUST CRAZY AND DO We JUST BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT MAKE US FEEL BETTER I DON'T KNOW I GET SO CONFUSED SOMETIMES I COULD SCREAM. FUNNY THING IS THe GRIEF COUNSELER CALLED TODAY FROM THE FUneRAL HOME AND SHE TOLD ME THAT I WAS DOING REALLY GOOD WELL IF THIS IS GOoD I WOULD HATE TO SEE BAD. I HAVE BEEN OCCUPYING MY TIME SENDING OUT KElLYS MEMORIAL PICTURES. THIS WAS REALLY FUN AND I SUGGEST IT FOR EVEryONE . I WENT TO WALMART AND GOT A BUNCH OF WALLETS MADE OF HIM AND I ADDED TEXT WHICH OF COUrse SAID ALWAYS REMEMBER ME 6-17-07. I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO EVER FORGET HIm oops i just realize i had my caps on oh well this is supposed to be my journal. if i could type and not worry about the mistakes. my puppy ema is trying to get my attention she must not want me on here. dakota is kellys dog i wonder if she wonders where he is. we planned a camping trip for the 3rd of august i hope we can go and have a little fun. chels is going taking her girl freind we got a 24 foot travel trailer last year. we were having a great time in it until this. kelly never got to go in it. we always tent camped so the trailer will be fun for chels. also i decided to go back down sometime and visit my brother in w.va we had a good time there and i like it there. i also called my nephew the one i got so mad at for going drinking with my hubby. i knew he wouldn't answer his phone so i left this big long message on there about how i felt. i'm sure it won't do any good but i had to get it off my chest. i did not apologize for being angry because i felt i had the right to be upset and i told him how i felt like no one really gives a shit that kelly is gone. they just go on about there normal day . my husband did say something to me today though that i guess i do need to rememeber that no one is going to feel the loss that i do because i was his mom but gee a little remorse would be nice. i keep thinking too what if when the tox report comes back they tell me that he was so drunk that he couldn't like walk or something and they shouldn't of let him drive i wonder if i'll be mad. i don't know i hope i can keep my mind open and tell myself what i have always said about the choices we make but i don't know what i'll feel. i don't know but i'm starting to ramble because i'm sleepy -need to get off of here and sleep . all take care
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vent it\'s o.k., an i hate when ppl. tell me oh your doing so well, how do they think that we only have to choises live or well you know. but just don\'t hold things in. an speak your mind when you feel the need to . i have learned one thing with this is i will nt stay quiet about things i know r not right anymore. so hope trip goes well, an you an daug. spend sometime togetter. you may not be that close now but you do need each other more than either of you know. so have a good day :)
Many times people think we are doing well because we put on a front or at least i do but i am tormented inside to the point of wanting to run away. I am thinking of you and sending you a hug.
Dawn Jake\'s mom
We all have questions. Some we have to put away until we are with our children again. Then I wonder will the questions matter at that point. I don\'t know. I do know that you will be with Kelly again. That he is with you even now. I hope you get to go camping. Sounds like fun. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
I hate it when people say that to me too. I went to this antique store this morning. A friend of Betty\'s owns it. The lady was dealing with another costomer and I over heard her say...\" She is staying with Betty..Her son just passed away and she has problems.\"...I turned around and said...look...we ALL have problems...and yes my son did pass away and I miss him so very much and if your son passed away you would miss him too...and by the way...Happy Birthday to me!!\"...I was so mad that she had the nerve to say that behind my back....sorry...I just know how you feel about people. I hope you get some rest.Shan
THOSE PICTURES WILL BE WONDERFUL..IM STILL PRINTING PICTURES OF CODY FOR HIS FRIENDS!!..YES THERE ARE ALOT OF QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS..BUT SOMEDAY WE WILL KNOW..I HOPE U GO ON UR CAMPING TRIP AND ENJOY AND RELAX..IF POSSIBLE!!..UR ANGEL WILL BE THERE AMONG U ALL..** AND WE WILL EVEN BE THERE..WALKING BESIDE YOU!!**LOVE YA..DIANA(CODYS MOM)
your son is so handsome , i know all of us ladies that have sons that have gone to god are all together , knowing my aaron he made friends with everyone . so naturally our sons have put as all together . We will all get through this with as much timr as it will ever take us , if it never does we will still be here for each other . all my new dear friends really do help , you are all so sweet , go on your trip , he\'ll be with you all , the love you have for him will be forever in your heart , god bless +++++Pat