well could it be that today i found a little peace. on the drive home today i was listening to christian music and just thinking really thinking about things and i used to have so much faith that i could feel god so close and i really am trying to get that back so anyways you know how i always wonder about heaven well today i thought if god could make this world as beautiful as it is because i do think that the world is beautiful then heaven has to be amazing right maybe heaven is really they way that the world was supposed to be when adam and eve lived here complete paradise but we as humans messed things up what if heaven really is a huge wonderful world all of it's own with oceans and wonderful mountains and rivers and trees and so much beauty that we can't even imagine and what if kelly is just like he was up there that he was down here with his happy smile and his wonderful laugh what if he is just like he was here but now he's up in heaven, i think he knows his grandpa too and they're up there walking along the shore and just talking and having a great time and i want to think that kelly is so happy up there that he wouldn't want to come back down here only to visit with us but i know that one day i will see my son again and i have to take this and believe this. also i saw a falling star tonight i keep asking kelly for a sign and i tell god to let kelly be close to me but sometimes i don't think kelly can be close to me until i start to feel a little better about things because he is so full of light and love and i have so much darkness in me right now so i'm working on that but the star was nice. i know i sound like a crack head but it's gotta be in faith that i believe this. so i think i might put a smile face on my journal which makes me feel guilty that i could smile but maybe i should do it for kelly. i still have bad feelings towards my nephews i don't know what i feel but it's not really a good feeling. my family is not close anyways so what does it matter. i know if it would of been josh instead of kelly ,kelly would have been devastated. well were back home now back to the norm of things i have to go to work tomorrow night maybe it'll be better. i have been busy making pictures of kelly and i'm going to make some memorial pictures of him and send out to evryone i know -i will never let anyone forget kelly. he was a wonderful child and so attractive. i miss him but i will see him again someday and i do feel him around me
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yes he is all around you all the time.
I love your journal today. What you say makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for sharing.
I believe Kelly is an angel looking over you. And if anything odd happens in your home, it is Kelly. I have started making a memory photo album of my sister. I don\'t have alot of pictures but in a few days I will be seeing my oldest sister and I know she had alot of pictures because they were closer in age then we were. She said she would make copies for me. I think it helps to look at the pictures every now and then. You will see your son again. I believe Kelly is enjoying heaven and I think you are right about how heaven looks.
Thank-you so much for the message you sent me, right before I read it I was getting ready for work and begging God to help me with this because I feel like I am going to die if I don\'t get help. Love, Dianne
Heaven is a place beyond our imaginations and my son was called into the ministry but God needed him more. He was a drummer in church and had such a tender heart for the lord. I wonder everyday what he is doing and i know he is drumming for Jesus. May God Bless and keep you Love Dawn Jake\'s mom
You don\'t even sound like a crack head. Kelly is exactly the same person in heaven. He is with you all the time. The reason we can\'t feel them is we are still to emotional, to many whys in our heads and yes at times in some very dark places. I too agree with you that if I could get to a little better place than I would feel Jake more, that is what I am working for. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy