well today was rather crappy. i just have all these feelindg that are so bad and don't know what to do with them. all i know is that i miss kelly so much i can't stand it. he was such a great kid and shouldn't have died and sometimes i still can't believe that it really happened.sometimes when i talk about it it's like i'm talking about some one else. i keep reliving the events of that day and i wonder things like did kelly feel pain did it hurt him did he even know what happened and the ever longing question where is he know. what is he doing. no one reallys knows for sure. i have faith and i believe in heaven but what is it like what is kelly doing right now. what were his last thought before he died. did he think oh sh*t i'm going to die or did it hapen so fast he didn't have time to think. all these things torture my mind i think about them constantly.i just can't believe that this happened to me i still can't believe it's real. he was almost home too if he could of made it a little farther i would of never heard of daily strenght. i don't know if this web site is helping me or not sometimes i don't think anything is ever going to help.i really do wish i could go to sleep and never wake up or if i could go be with kelly i would.kelly was the one person that always made everything ok and now he's gone. i know i have to be here for my daughter. i know she needs me too.this is just so hard.