well last night was probably the best night i've had since i went back to work. i work midnights at a plastic plant and it's very boring so my mind wanders alot and usually by the time i go home i'm mentally drained . i just miss kelly so much and wish i could see him and touch him and talk to him. he has a myspace account and people still write to him and one of his friends put a video of him on it and it was so nice to hear his wonderful voice again. he really was a great kid -so handsome too.  a friend of mine -her friend's son committed suicide on sat morning . it has really been a sad time here in ohio alot of very young people killed. my sister finally called my daughter but chels didn't answer her phone. our family is not very close and my oldest sister is anything but kind. her & her husband got mad at kelly over golf clubs-long story- and never really had anything to do with him so what now that he's gone she wants to be the caring aunt. it sickens me. i know kelly was upset over the whole thing too because i read his journal and he wrote about it in there. she is an evil person and hurts alot of people and right now i just don't want to deal with her. i still have bad feeling towards her over my farthers death in 05 now i have to deal with her through this. funny thing is she doesn't even have children so how could she even begin to try to feel like i do. she is a very shallow and uncaring person that has surrounded her self with material things and made them important in her life while letting the things that really matter disappear, like my son. i was thinking about it last night at work and to me right is right and wrong is wrong and i do think how she treated kelly while he was alive was wrong and she has made alot of bad choices and i'm not going to tell her that it's ok because she wants to hear that because it's not ok. people should think about how they live their lives and the things they say because sometimes you can't take it back. the one person that she needs to apoligize to she can't -he's gone. well enough of that i have to get some sleep i have to go back out tonight. i work 12 hour swing shifts. next week chels and i are going to myrtle beach-not sure how i feel about it yet. we had it planned forever and she still wants to go so i'm going for her but i don't know how to feel about it. i hope we have fun-she is a great kid & i love her so much . i don't know what i would do without her. she is so strong and independent. well good night and i hope we all can have a little peace today.