well today i went to a picnic in honor of my son with a bunch of people he worked with it was nice. they got awareness bracelets made with his name on them, one lady planted a tree in the park and they put up a plaque for him along with his picture at work. all very nice gestures. it's funny too because kelly's accident has caused alot of changes in our community also. i have lived in this area for 42 years and there has never been a street sign on this road well the township put one out. i guess maybe they think maybe if there had been a street sign there what kelly wouldn't have wrecked. i find the whole thing ridiculous. i think we just want to blame someone anyone when things like this happens but who is really to blame or is anyone to blame i don't know maybe life just happens, i just don't know what to think about things anymore. all i know before this happened our lives were so great, i love my kids to death they are my whole life. we talked and laughed and did things together, my husband and i have a travel trailer and we camped and went 4 wheeling and did so much fun things. we took fun vacations and planned fun things to do together, the weekend after kellys accident me, him and chels were planning a trip to kings island just the 3 of us for some mom and kid time together but that never happened. he was so excited to go to, we all were.i guess i feel ashamed of myself for complaining that i only had 19 years with kelly when i read about the woman who lost her 3 year old baby. i did say today at the picnic that we lived a lifetime together me & kelly. sometimes i feel like i am forgetting about my daughter to and i don't want to spend so much time grieving over kelly that i stop being a mom to her. i love her to pieces and don't know what i would do without her.  i know she misses her brother too sometimes i just feel like everyone else is moving on but i can't. i miss kelly so much . i am so thankful for things too like the fact the we were so close and i know he knew he was loved more than anything. i know he had no doubt that i thought he was the best son in the whole world because he was.