I have not been on here in a while. My depression has gotten the best of me. I don’t have the energy to do much. The last two days I cry a lot, and then I lift myself up and keep going. I had a fall out with my son and it has taken a toll on us all. We are back on talking terms but still not the same. I wish he would see that I am only trying to help him. He takes so many things for granted. I pray for him every day and ask God to please guide him. I sometimes feel like he is so lost and doesn’t know where his life is taking him to, and I feel like I have let them down by not having a home of my own to offer them or a job where I can have income to help them. I know I am supposed to let them grow up, for some reason he is just taking longer than the others. I know he will do well, no doubt in my mind he just needs to land on his feet. I know God will help him in his time.
Today I had thought about canceling my physical therapy, I just did not felt like going. Not motivated, none the less I went and glad I did. They knew my heart was not in it but they worked with me. My dizziness has been there (5), my vertigo (4) and my balance (6), but most of all the body aches (8) has been unbelievable. I am not being able to sleep at night. I have dark circles under my eyes and look horrible. I want so much to take a vacation, but know I cannot afford it.
Tony has been here since Friday, I have not seen him much, he has a new girlfriend so naturally they are spending a lot of time together. I am happy for him but I was also looking forward to seeing him. I pray this girl doesn’t break his heart; he seems to really like him.
So for now, I will continue praying. That is one thing that even though I am depressed I don’t give up on God. I can’t he keeps me going. Sometimes I even say he is the only positive thing going for me.