So many things have been running through my mind today. Even though I would much rather be lying in my bed all day I made myself get out of the house. It is Sunday and I would have wanted nothing more than to be able to go to church. I had asked my sister yesterday if she was going to go but said she was working instead. I wish I could ask someone to take me on a weekly basis. I miss having the liberty of going where I want. I remember I use to think how nice it was to be able to go and come whenever I wanted without having to ask anything of anyone. I use to plan my day accordingly using my time wisely. On Sundays I use to prepare for the weeks work, laundry, cleaning, visiting with my family. I use to be so gung ho about it all.
Today, my dizziness was there without the nausea. I have noticed that my balance is still pretty bad. I have had to use my walker most of the day; I noticed that I cling on to it dearly so that I don’t fall. My son notices that I lean on him a lot as well. I mean I noticed I lean on things but not as much. I am afraid to lift my granddaughter anymore, I don’t want to fall and drop her. I stand back and notice how I plan my meals. I measure everything from the quantities and to the ingredients. And when I am able to go to my parents I eat very little. Mom and dad always ask me why I eat so little, but I have to remind them about the salt intake. I have taught my children to look at labels. They have gotten so use to it they don’t even question it any more. I was thinking how I miss so many things. Coke, regular coffee, Pizza, seafood, wine, Chinese food, Indian food; so many thing I can no longer have. I miss being able to drive, going to movies, I miss feeling well, I miss not constantly thinking about how sick I am. I have learned to accept my new life, it has not been an easy road and sometimes I still have my break downs and cry my eyes out; but just because I have learned to accept it, it doesn’t mean I have to like it! Today when I was getting the mini spells I noticed that they don’t scare me as much; that saddened because that only meant I am getting use to living with them. When they start I always remind myself that they will pass and will not last long. I have to psych myself up when I am going to do things like shower, visit my parents, go to a store etc. I have to remind myself If I get sick I can sit down and wait for it to pass. I always have my phone fully charge and put it where I can reach it right away. I always make sure someone knows where I am at in case I need