1:21a I think I'm angry with myself more than anything. I angry with myself because I give so much and go so far out on the edge for others and I get so so so hurt when I can't depend on them when I need them. I love my boyfriend more than any man i have ever been in a realationship with Let me add I only had two long relationships before him. But he is an sweet person just until he's angry. He tries to not argue with me by ignoring me when we get angry and that just pisses me off worse. Since the m/c we both been going threw it but I feel like i'm suffering the most because he doesn't know what it feel like to still feel something moving in your stomach or to have sore breasts just basically the leftovers of what use to be pregnacy. He told me when I had the first m/c that he never lost a child before and he kind of took it hard I guess... I mean he cried and seem depressed.I don't kow what is wrong with me what do i exspect from him. I just HURTING so bad.I just want him to be there and not by force. i just want to hold my son because he looks at me with those pretty eyes and rubs my face and give me kisses as if to tell me " Moma I can't talk to make you understand rigth now but i can show you the best i can." He tries to stay up with me when I can't sleep. He'll come and lay his head on my chest and look up into my eyes and just lay there fighting his sleep because i can't sleep. i can't let him lose his rest because of me. I'm going to have to play sleep I guess and hopefully he'll think I'm sleep and then he'll go. He's my Little Man. He has a heart like mine. Well I guess I'll go to bed ....well try to. I took a couple days off from work to make sure mentally I'll be ready.