Update

My husband called on Sept. 30 and said he was starting electro-convulsive therapy to attempt to cure his mental illness.  He has to go under anesthesia sixteen times in the next month.  He'll probably lose some of his short-term memory and possibly some of his long-term memory.  The goal is to get his depression under control so that he can stay calm, live independently, and hold a job.  This is supposed to have a 70% success rate, whereas the pills he has been taking only have a 40% success rate and he wasn't one of the lucky ones. He also said that his T-cell count is bad.  A healthy count is 500-700 and full-blown AIDS is 200.  He is at 400 after only three months of living with HIV.  It is likely that his mental stress is accelerating his physical illness.  Once he starts taking medication for HIV, he has to keep taking it for the rest of his life, and the medication regimen can be very complicated and has side effects; it is unlikely that an extremely depressed and anxious person can manage this.  He isn't eligible for the new combined pill because it will interfere with his psychiatric medication. He also warned me that he expects to be sued within the next year for the debts he cannot pay.  He advised me to hurry up and divorce him so I won't be responsible for his debts, which of course I cannot do, because I need to complete one year of residency in Massachusetts before I am allowed to divorce him. On Monday I saw a therapist and hired a new divorce lawyer (since my old one quit).  Tonight is Kol Nidrei (Erev Yom Kippur).  I am taking tomorrow off from work, and sure, I'll fast, but I am not going to temple.  I am going to hibernate in my room and rest.  I am exhausted.  If God exists and if he has anything to tell me, he can tell it to me while I am lying here under my afghan.