It seems I only post in this journal when I'm dissatisfied.  Well.  Everything has been peachy.  We had a lovely Christmas with his family, and a quiet New Year's Day enjoying each other's company.  He actually had the attention span to sit through, not just one, but three movies.At Christmas, his mother offered us money to pay down our debt, which was caused by his addiction.  We said we'd take the money and intended to pay her back.I made an attempt to jump-start our sex life on New Year's Day.  With condoms, of course. Starting about a week ago, he's had a cold and fever, which turned into a horrendously frightening chest cough.  On some level, I suspected crack, because every time he coughed, I'd ask if he was all right.  He insisted it was just part of the cold. Well, he's given me the cold and fever, now.  The cough paraphernalia was waiting for me on my desk when I got home.I cancelled a large payment to his credit card, so he cannot use the card to get into more trouble.  I plan to refund the money to his parents. His parents and a friend are worried about him.  He may be facing termination at his job because he missed two shifts without calling.I do not understand drug addiction!  What was so terrible about his life that he felt the need to use crack again?  That he had repaired relationships with his spouse, family, and friends?  That he had successfully completed a month of outpatient rehab?  That AA was working for him?  That his professional reputation survived unscratched, and that he was likely going to pass the fall semester of his program, provided he took one little make-up quiz on Monday?  That he was healthy?  That he still had his house and car?  That the house had been getting cleaner?  That his mother was giving him money so he wouldn't have to pay interest to his credit cards?   That he was starting to get laid with his spouse again?I am upset because, after e-mailing him from work last night and telling him I had the same nasty cold that he did, he suggested to me that I sleep at my parents' house to avoid the long drive home and recuperate.  This concern for my exhaustion was fake.  He wanted me to stay at my parents' house so he could use drugs.I just checked his browser history.  He visited the same Internet sex site and e-mailed the same person repeatedly for three days in a row (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday)--right after we spent Tuesday, New Year's Day, together and I bought us a box of condoms.  I bet my husband didn't use any condoms with his Internet buddy, though.  Which is why I was smart to use them with my husband.12:15 a.m.  He just walked in the door.  "Are you OK?"  "No."  Several minutes' pause.  "Does everyone think I'm dead?"  "Yes."