FML
FML. I wish today, as I have so many time over the past 35 years, that I could just will my heart to stop beating. I have to wonder whether the doctors would still take such heroic measures to save my life had they known that I would spend literally 75% of it stopping myself from ending it. Not just today mind you, but over the ENTIRE 35 years, What a miserable existence. If only I were one of those who gleefully denies the very existence of God. Then I would have probably have done it long ago. The possibility of living my life in agony, only to kill myself and then wake up in hell is enough to give me serious thought regarding "ending it all." What a screwed up, foul thing for a person to live with. FML!!!!!!!!!!!
Replies
JT, i\'m so sorry to hear you feeling this way. i know i\'ve been there, but it\'s been a few years. i don\'t what to say other than i\'m glad you put this out there to talk about rather than acting. is anything particular bringing up this now or just sick of life as it is? if you want to continue this in a PM, please do. i won\'t have computer access Wed (9-1 or so) b/c our building won\'t have power.
since you do believe in God, will you ask for help from Him? in the meantime i\'ll be praying for you.
hugs n hope, serenity
Thanks for being there for me Serenity. Just venting, I guess. it\'s all true however. I guess I\'m just having one of those \"if only\" moments I suppose all people who deal with \"limiting\" situations or physical realities. If only I weren\'t in pain ALL THE TIME, I could have taken this wonderful invention, that God put into my mind, to help even more people. And maybe even been able to give my wife the retirement she deserves. I feel as though I\'m falling down just as the finish line is in sight. I just can\'t MAKE myself keep going. It\'s why I\'m considered \"unemployable.\" Because I just can\'t do it.
Oh well, even sitting here typing this is almost unendurable to my arms and neck. I\'ll be around.