well, not sure why i decided to drop in today.  guess i was feeling a bit messed up inside today.  nothing new i guess.  i still have days like this, feeling down and low esteem.  WTF right?  no one said life was going to be easy.  well not for me anyway.  
was i ALWAYS such a procrastinator?  i can sit on my ass better than anyone i know, listing all the things i am going to do today but never accomplishing a damn thing.  i hate that about me.  it's like i have lost all my drive.  all my goals.  my dreams.  hell, maybe it is an age thing or a hormonal thing, i don't know.  men wont get it but women will and i am hoping this is all due to menopause otherwise i am going infuckingsane......
i am ashamed to say, but i almost miss my past life.  it was so much easier.  wasn't i happier?  it just feels like my life is so unorganized.  so messed up.  i could do so many things with it but i have no ambition or excitement.  i guess i have some sorting out and shit to do.  just don't know where to start.  i am having a hell of a time letting go of my past.  an extremely hard time letting go.  i think that is in some ways holding me back?  i don't know.  ahhhhhh 
atleast one thing i can say is i am still sober.  i suppose that is most important.  
dee