thank god for my daughter.  she is my biggest inspiration and is the one who has the most faith in what i can accomplish.  i miss her so much and can't wait till she comes home.  
i am also equally thankful for my family and how much love they give me.  sometimes i feel like i dont deserve that love but i am embracing it to keep me strong instead of alcohol to hide in.  i don't know what i would do without them.  
i'm thankful for my friends, who keep me going and keep me outgoing.  the listen to me when i need to vent and remind me of what i have to lose when i feel myself slipping.  they are brutally honest at times and i am really thankful for that.  i have the best friends.  
being an alcoholic is hard.  hard on everyone.  i never thought about any of them when i was drinking.  alcohol made me such a selfish, mean, thankless person.  i hate that person and everything that part of me did to the people i really love.  these are the people who have stuck by me, helped me, threatened me lol.  these are the people i know love me.  the people i thought i loved the most and i thought were honestly there for me, all abandoned me when i stopped drinking.  these are the people i am realizing only wanted to manipulate me, use me and take advantage of the person who was always drunk.  that embarasses me, infuriates me, hurts me and most of makes me pity them for never getting to know the real me.  sober me.  they walked away.  that has mad me sad.  some of these people i really loved.  i would have given up everything for them.  it makes me sad they wouldn't have done the same for me after all.  that makes me feel played.  even to this day.  
alcohol is a cruel addiction.  it lets you fall in love with it, just like some people do, then lets you lose everyone and everything without giving a shit.  it will even let you die.  even after you are sober, it seems to have a tiny hold on your life till the day you die.  i'm just doing everything in my power to stay on top.  
wow who knew i had anything to say lol
always dragonfly