i think i have learned alot in the past 5 years.  first is that i was a horrible, mean and selfish drunk.  all the things i detest in a person, i became.  second, no matter how many excuses, justifications or reasons i could come up with for having a drink, it all came down to me being an alcoholic and having to accept and admit that.  the fact i have a disease.  i've accepted that, although i still question, at times, whether or not i could handle a drink after being sober so long.  
there is still a lot i am learning.  how NOT to substitute another addiction for the one i already have.  having an addictive personality, that's a hard one to recognize, but i am finding myself to be that personality for sure.  that sucks.  
fourth, how to let go of the past.  how to put it behind you and the people associated with it.  now this i am definitely having difficulty with.  although i work at it everyday, i question how others can do it when the past is so much a part of who i am.  
i am also learning how to cope.  cope with my depression.  cope with dealing without alcohol.  coping with life sober and having to work through my shit instead of hiding from it.  damn how do "normal" people get through life without all this insanity?  some days i honestly do feel insane.
1115 days.  some days i am in awe of that, others i realize i have a long way to go.  one good thing is that i do not wake up every morning hung over and the first thing on my mind being how am i going to get that first drink.  baby steps still after 3 years but thats better than stepping backwards.  i hated being hungover.  now i just hate being tired all the time.  lol.  
 
always
dragonfly