i have been dealing with some shit for almost 5 years with a person i love with all my heart.  he is dying.  some things have transpired in the last few days which have his people calling me so many things and what a horrible person i am.  i am devastated.  i made a some poor decisions but was doing what i thought was best for him.  things didnt trun out as i hoped and now i have been left with such guilt and anxiety for how i handled this situation i am beside myself.  i feel like i am having a mental breakdown, that everything has finally come to a head and in the end i dealt with it so poorly i am being accused of tormenting a dying man.   i want to drink so bad.  i just want to run and hide and forget all this.  i dont know how to cope with this and it is like the final straw in a long line of bullshit.  i have to live with this for the rest of my life.  i have to carry this guilt with me forever.  i have to realize how poorly i handled this and what i have done to someone i love with all my heart and is dying.  what have i done?????   i cant deal with this anymore.  it's too stressful.  they are all right.  i should rot in hell..............