life is so fucking complicated.  i am being tested and pushed it feels like, on a regular basis.  alcohol used to relieve me of all this bullshit called life.  329 goddamn days and i feel like i am losing the battle right now.  i am not this strong person people imagine i am, infact i am the weakest person i know.  change is so hard and i dont do change.  depression is so painful that at times i wish everything would just go away.  why cant i get off this fucking rollar coaster of emotional shit?  why cant this be easier?  what the hell is wrong with me?????? i'm tired of this.