i seem to pass through life as if i am a blind woman in a forest.  feeling lonely and lost, trying to find my way out of this state of limbo i find myself living in.  waking each day and facing it, i find myself seeing my life as surreal as a salvadore dali painting.  i am only an actor in a play, yet everyone around me seems to be living, totally unaware of how i feel or percieve things.   i have two lives, and it's the secret one that pushes me to the point of insanity.  constantly pulling at me and leaving me in a state of anxiety and heartache.  it wasnt supposed to be this way.  what started out with hope, dreams and goals has ended up hopeless, broken and dying.  i am fighting two battles and if i lose one i am afraid i will lose both.   what did i do to have to end up where i am today?  i must be being punished for being me. dragonfly