HERE WE F'N GO AGAIN..... almost 3 weeks ago i made a decision in my life to get rid of toxic people in my life goddamnit.  i left.  said goodbye.  leave me alone you bring out the worst in me.  for almost 3 weeks i was trying to come to terms with that and try to move forward.  i expect anyone who has done this in their lives knows how difficult it can be with some people, to distance yourself from them.  it has been difficult but i made the decision and was coming to terms with that.  i know how toxic certain people are from my past and knew i had to end relationships and friendships if i want to stay sober and hell sane for that matter.  when i was finally ready and could see clearly just what role these people had in my life, i cut them out.  so i thought. i have been threatened, blackmailed, tormented, this weekend contacted and hurt yet again.  i didnt ask for this, i didnt contact them.  i kept to myself and i was moving forward trying to keep on track and even though it has been  232 days sober for me it feels like just yesterday i stopped drinking.  why are these people tormenting me and making me feel like i am the meanest, most horrible person.  they are making me feel like i have a black heart and tell me only people drunk want to be around me.  i feel like i have just been pushed back down on my ass after i have been doing so well.  i want a drink desperately, i want to say the hell with it, these people are right.  what they say is true and i want to go to the liquer store, get a bottle of wine and say the hell with it. if this is what people think of me sober i must have been a better person drunk.  i am feeling so damn confused and hurt today.   today i feel beaten and lost.  today i wish i were dead.  today i wish i had a drink.  today i am desperate for a drink.  i am tired of this.  i guess i am finally seeing that what they tell me is true.  it's me who is toxic.  it's me who is shit. i just don't care now.  i cant take this drama and bullshit and stress.  i tired they showed me i lost.  232 days for what??????