WELL THE GODDAMN SOAP THAT HAS INVADED MY LIFE JUST WONT GO AWAY.  DO I DESERVE THIS?  NO.  DID I ASK FOR IT?  NO.  DID I GET CAUGHT UP IN IT?  HELL YA AS A DRUNK...........  I AM SOBER NOW.  I AM SEEING THINGS A LITTLE CLEARER.  I AM SEEING THAT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS GOOD AND HONEST AND SINCERE IS ACTUALLY TOXIC FOR ME AND WAS FULL OF LIES ALTHOUGH THIER INTENTIONS SINCERE.  REGARDLESS OF ALL THAT, THIS FUCKING SOAP KEEPS WEASELING BACK INTO MY LIFE NO MATTER HOW MUCH I PUSH IT OUT.   ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY.  SHIT HAPPENS, LIFE CHANGES AND ALCOHOLICS BECOME CLEARER IN THOUGHT ONCE SOBER LONG ENOUGH.  DEEP FEELINGS WILL ALWAYS REMAIN BUT REALISTIC GOALS AND CERTAIN COMMITEMENTS CHANGE OR WERE NEVER REALLY ATTAINABLE IN THE FIRST PLACE.   HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS SHIT???????????????????????????????