I am so depressed.  I am trying so hard to change things in my life and realize I am a very weak person.  I used to be so independent and strong.  Opinionated and outspoken.  I had self esteem and laughed and was happy.   WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.  I guess anyone who knows the details knows what happened.  I was mentally being controlled as well as emotionally and I lost myself because of a toxic person close to me.  I am trying so hard to move forward.   One positive is I am still sober.  This is something for me.  It used to be I went to the bottle when i felt this way.  Not this time.  Thank god for that. I need to go on my holidays and just get away from any forms of being contacted.  Forget shit and live in the moment and laugh and enjoy my time away with my family.  HP give me that strength and the abilty to do this.  I just want to be happy.