WELL IT IS FRIDAY JULY 4 SO HAPPY JULY 4TH TO ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. ITS DAY 130 FOR ME.  MY GOAL AT THE MOMENT IS TO STAY SOBER FOR 6 MONTHS.  THAT IS ABOUT 5 WEEKS AWAY.  I AM HAVING A HARD TIME THIS WEEK ACTUALLY AND WONDER HOW THE HELL I AM GOING TO DO THIS.  I AM STILL DEPRESSED.  I AM TAKING ZOLOFT FOR THAT AND IT HAS HELPED SOME BUT I AM STILL SAD.  I DONT MISS HANGOVERS OR BLACKOUTS.  I DO ENJOY MY KIDS AROUND MORE NOW AND LETTING PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME KNOW I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.  I AM WORKING MORE AND I AM WORKING OUT AGAIN.  SO WHY THE BLOODY HELL AM I SO DAMN SAD AND DEPRESSED STILL?  SOME DAYS I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST INSANE.  HOW ELSE CAN I EXPLAIN THIS.  I SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST WOMAN OUT THERE BUT I AM NOT.  I DONT HAVE A HORRIBLE MARRIAGE, IN FACT MY HUSBAND LOVES ME VERY MUCH AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME TO A POINT.  MY KIDS ARE AWESOME AND I AM PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM AND THE KIND OF PEOPLE THEY TURNED OUT TO BE.  I DONT WANT FOR A DAMN THING ............EXCEPT TO BE "NORMAL".  HAPPY AND NORMAL.  IS THERE SUCH A THING.  DO I AIM TO HIGH WHEN THERE IS NO SUCH THING?  IS EVERYONE MISERABLE?  SOME DAYS, LIKE TODAY, I FEEL LIKE I JUST CAN GO ON AND DONT REALLY GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE.  I'M STILL FUCKING TIRED EVERY DAY.  I FEEL LIKE I AM ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLAR COASTER CONSTANTLY.  EVEN THOUGH I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR GETTNG THIS FAR, I AM NOT SURE JUST HOW WELL I AM.   I HATE THIS FEELING.  I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY, TO LAUGH AGAIN, TO NOT WORRY OR STRESS OR FEEL PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED EVERYDAY.  IS IT NORMAL? ALWAYSDRAGONFLY