things have taken a turn for me.  personal shit.  personal shit i am not doing so well handling and believe it or not i would give anything for a drink at this moment.  for the first time in 4 months now, i am thinking i just cant do this.  goddamn it.why cant all this just fucking go away.  i want to grab a bottle hide under my covers and just forget about everything and everybody. it wasnt supposed to be this way!!!!!!