77 days.   i am falling into a bad spell.  my depression is bad right now and it feels like only yesterday that i stopped drinking.  i thought i had a handle on this shit but the past couple of days have been hard.  i feel like i am having this personal tug of war between drinking and not drinking.  i should be past all that bullshit.  logically i know what the answer is and i have to keep moving forward.  physically or perhaps "mentally" i am still thinking that "maybe just 1 drink will get me past this feeling and i can move on".   its all so stupid, its all so insane.  the harder i try,i feels its in vane. i know i cant have iti remember the painyet i still have that mindsetit wont happen again  the insanity drink causesand not just in mefor my family and loved onesits got to leave me be get out of my headjust leave me alonelet me move on with my lifei'm tired of being an alcoholic drone............  my fight isnt overit cant take me downif i start this againi will definately drown please let me find strength in some higher powerso i can battle this disease in my darkest hours  it's not over yetalwaysdragonfly