i think i am a procrastinator. i never used to be. it used to be i would wake up and be thinking about what i would do in the day and get up and do it. now it seems i will wake up in the morning, think about all the things i want to do in a day and it ends up it never gets done, let alone started.why the hell can i not find that desire or motivation to do anything anymore? i hate this feeling of being some lazy computer potato that does nothing anymore. i cant even force myself to get to the gym and i used to go every damn day. hell it seems like i did more when i was drinking than i do sober. what is that all about? i dont understand it.it is just keeping me depressed and yesterday i got so anxious and frustrated i wanted to drink. that is the first time in almost a month that i have felt that way. is this normal? is this what alcoholics recovering experience? or is it me? have i become this nothing? this lazy ass woman with no passion for anything anymore.why cant i get past this feeling of depression and get on with life? why can i not find the good things in my life? why is it i only see the negative? i hate that part of me and i cant seem to get past all this negativity i am feeling. i just feel so lonely and alone right now even though i am surrounded by loving, caring, supportive people. this is all so insane.it used to be when i was sad or whatever, i would draw and lose myself in that time. now i cant even begin to pick up the pencil or take that time to do any kind of drawing. i feel like i have lost my ability to draw and that it has become a closed chapter in my life. i am just so damned frustrated and depressed and feeling hopeless today. i am thankful i am sober but it hasnt really changed my life as far as being happy, in some ways i feel worse. does any of this make sense?????