i think i am a procrastinator. i never used to be. it used to be i would wake up and be thinking about what i would do in the day and get up and do it. now it seems i will wake up in the morning, think about all the things i want to do in a day and it ends up it never gets done, let alone started.why the hell can i not find that desire or motivation to do anything anymore? i hate this feeling of being some lazy computer potato that does nothing anymore. i cant even force myself to get to the gym and i used to go every damn day. hell it seems like i did more when i was drinking than i do sober. what is that all about? i dont understand it.it is just keeping me depressed and yesterday i got so anxious and frustrated i wanted to drink. that is the first time in almost a month that i have felt that way. is this normal? is this what alcoholics recovering experience? or is it me? have i become this nothing? this lazy ass woman with no passion for anything anymore.why cant i get past this feeling of depression and get on with life? why can i not find the good things in my life? why is it i only see the negative? i hate that part of me and i cant seem to get past all this negativity i am feeling. i just feel so lonely and alone right now even though i am surrounded by loving, caring, supportive people. this is all so insane.it used to be when i was sad or whatever, i would draw and lose myself in that time. now i cant even begin to pick up the pencil or take that time to do any kind of drawing. i feel like i have lost my ability to draw and that it has become a closed chapter in my life. i am just so damned frustrated and depressed and feeling hopeless today. i am thankful i am sober but it hasnt really changed my life as far as being happy, in some ways i feel worse. does any of this make sense?????
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Hello Dragonflydazd....:)
I have been sober for 23 days...so you are ahead of me girl! I kind of felt/feel like in a way I am greiving....greiving for my friend...WINE....who was there for me when I felt no one else was....(which was a crock since I too have a very loving family, husband and kids) BUT we all I feel go through this differently. I always worked out....and I still am...and for me it is helping me more than it did before. It is true that it realeases endorphins in your brain to help calm you and make you happier. I think you really need to FORCE yourself to get back to doing that if nothing else....it will I think get you in a better frame of mind. I get anxious and frustrated as well...it IS a part of becoming sober..it isn\'t just YOU.
I think you just have to be kinder to yourself. You just HAVE to...!! Go to the bookstore or the library and get some books that deal with getting sober. I went on Amazon and got several books that I am reading that are great....and are making me feel less alone and more okay with what changes I have made. I also am taking all kinds of vitamin supplements...you can go to your health food store and ask them what you need...that has helped me BIG TIME. Your body is still craving and makes you feel depressed. Your mind is so tricky...you just have to feed it with good stuff....knowledge.....is key. I hope that you will maybe do one of my suggestions...I know that if I was just sitting here without doing the things I have been...(exercising, supplements, reading) I would be drinking right now. Your life WILL change...you make your life the way you want it. You can do it...you have come this far already and that is something to truly be proud of!