i think i am a procrastinator. i never used to be.  it used to be i would wake up and be thinking about what i would do in the day and get up and do it.  now it seems i will wake up in the morning, think about all the things i want to do in a day and it ends up it never gets done, let alone started.why the hell can i not find that desire or motivation to do anything anymore?  i hate this feeling of being some lazy computer potato that does nothing anymore.  i cant even force myself to get to the gym and i used to go every damn day.  hell it seems like i did more when i was drinking than i do sober.  what is that all about?  i dont understand it.it is just keeping me depressed and yesterday i got so anxious and frustrated i wanted to drink.  that is the first time in almost a month that i have felt that way.  is this normal? is this what alcoholics recovering experience?  or is it me?  have i become this nothing?  this lazy ass woman with no passion for anything anymore.why cant i get past this feeling of depression and get on with life?  why can i not find the good things in my life?  why is it i only see the negative?  i hate that part of me and i cant seem to get past all this negativity i am feeling.  i just feel so lonely and alone right now even though i am surrounded by loving, caring, supportive people.  this is all so insane.it used to be when i was sad or whatever, i would draw and lose myself in that time.  now i cant even begin to pick up the pencil or take that time to do any kind of drawing.  i feel like i have lost my ability to draw and that it has become a closed chapter in my life.  i am just so damned frustrated and depressed and feeling hopeless today.  i am thankful i am sober but it hasnt really changed my life as far as being happy, in some ways i feel worse.  does any of this make sense?????