seems i have a grasp on the sobriety thing righ know but its the depression that is getting to me.  i have a dr appt today and i am almost panicky about having to tell her i still have suicidal thoughts.  i am just so sad.  damnit i should be on top of the world.  i dont want for anything really although i suppose deep down inside i must.  i am a fool, i hold on to something that is fantasy and give up on reality.  how fucking insane is that then eh?  i am just so damn sad. is it all worth this?