seems i have a grasp on the sobriety thing righ know but its the depression that is getting to me. i have a dr appt today and i am almost panicky about having to tell her i still have suicidal thoughts. i am just so sad. damnit i should be on top of the world. i dont want for anything really although i suppose deep down inside i must. i am a fool, i hold on to something that is fantasy and give up on reality. how fucking insane is that then eh? i am just so damn sad. is it all worth this?
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Yep, it is worth it. Your kids and your husband love you and they want you here. Think of how sad they would be without you. You have to give yourself more time to get over the fantasy that isn\'t going to happen. It\'s hard to give up on a dream or a fantasy when you want it so bad, but if it is never going to come true, you have no choice. YOu have to find a new dream, a new fantasy that maybe is attainable. Look for some little things right now that make you happy and don\'t reach for big things. You can do it. I know you can. You have to let your body and your mind heal from the years of alcohol abuse. It won\'t happen in 37 days. Keep thinking how good you are feeling physically now and your aren\'t waking up sick and hungover every morning. I think it will happen for you but you have to be patient and let it happen. Put that pretty smile back on your face!!! You need to get outside in the sun. It helps me a ton. Hang in there. I\'m thinking about you!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)