is it me or is it just being an alcoholic that i have the attention span or maybe its the lack of sticking to something or complete something?i have all good intentions to start a journal.  i want to have a journal.  i start a journal then never stick with it.  then i get all anxious about it like its a big deal.  whats that all about.  it just seems like i start things and just can never complete them.  i have a damn painting here i started months ago and everytime i look at it i get stressed thinking i need to finish this and cant bring myself to do it.  i have no f'n idea why.  maybe its just me.  i'm still feeling depressed.  when the hell are these meds going to kick in?i am tired of feeling this negativity.  i used to be so up and happy.  i used to be so outgoing and drink wasnt first it was everything else.  i have lost interest in everything i loved to do before this damn disease consumed me and i am frustrated that i dont feel the desires to live and be happy still.  i hate how i feel.  the only thing i am thankful for at this moment is that i am not hungover.  even with these damn headaches everyday.  i get on here and write and feel like some whiney complaining poor pity me bitch when in reality i dont want to be this.  i think i hate me and havent found how to turn this all around.  i know i will get the find a HP speach and i am trying.  i "pray" every damn day but still havent found answers.  i know getting to this point took years of abuse and i shouldnt expect things to be solved over night but it seems that is how i am.  i want solutions now, instantly.  i guess like alcohol used to do or so i thought it did.  i hope someone understands what i mean.anyway thats my bitching for right now dragonfly