day 83i am learning to talk to my HP.  this for me is a new and sometimes forced discipline.  i am not a believer in god or organized religion but i have always said things happen for a reason and that people meet for a reason.  it that is so then yes there very well could be my HP directing me or helping me to have these things in my life happen to me.  drinking disconnected me from my HP perhaps and maybe that is why i have been lost for so long.  hell i have been sober for almost 3 month, a hell of a record for me and i think for the first time in a long time i am starting to rationalize and think somewhat clearer, mind you sometimes i am not always accepting of the feelings i experience but i am thinking.  i see myself as an alcoholic who is blind to alot of things still.  unaccepting perhaps is the correct word.  as much as i want to stay sober, i still am learning how to accept the steps i need to take to stay sober.  as someone said to me it isnt just about stopping the drinking.  its a whole lot deeper than that really isnt it.  thing is i am not one to join AA or that type of a deal.  i cant explain that one but i am not and i suppose atleast i can admit that.  that does not mean i dont need help and support, i do.  i guess besides myself there are few others that really support me.  for sure this web site has been a blessing for me because i have met 2 wonderful individuals who have been very supportive, who are alcoholics and who understand.  one inparticular who i consider, unbeknownst to him, my sponcor.  (sorry doll or should i say thank you)  regardless this is helping.  i read a book called The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken.  it was very informative and insightful with regards to addiction, not just to alcohol, but addiction pertaining to any addiction.  the underlying traights are all the same it is just what object or event you end up addicted to.  it is very interesting reading.  anyone looking for some kind of understanding as to what or why we are addicted and the process of addiction this is not bad and it is a short read.i am starting a new one. Addictive Thinking, Understanding Self-Deception by Abraham J Twerski, M.D.  it is about how that addict thinks compared to "normal" thinking.  i'll let you know..............anyway that was my rambling for the day and havent a clue why i recommended reading but if it helps anyone i am glad.if i think of more i will post moreheres to another day soberalwaysdragonfly