i find myself after a reasonably good day hitting a wall.  someone close to me is ill and i am not sure just how bad but has to go in the hospital tomorrow. we spoke but they sounded so horrible i am afraid they will die and i wont be able to handle this if this happens i know that.  there are not talks or words that will help me if this happens.  it was such a good day.  everytime something is positive it gets worse and this is as bad as it could be.  i am beside myself with worry and anxiety and depression sitting in the dark all alone blubbering like an idiot but i am totally lost and upset and unknowing.  i cant do this if itis as bad as i anticipate or am led to believe, i cant do this.