day 51.  i think this is the longest stretch yet for me.  i have been pushed, tested, stressed out, pissed off and the list goes on during all this. i am told i have choices and that i choose the things in my life.  part of that is true and part of that i do not agree with.  i believe some things are and always will be out of our control whether we chose it or not.  sometimes that really fucking sucks.  things happen for a reason i do and always will believe that so if that is true and we are to accept a HP (higher power) how can that be what we chose?  as opposed to happening for a reason?  lmao please someone understand what it is i am trying to say.  hmm if we believe in a HP and accept what it can do for us thatis a choice.  some things happen for a reason that is not a choice.  does that make sense? anyway i suppose in the end it doesnt really matter.  i'm struggling when it should be easy.  i have to ut things in perspective and remember as long as 51 days seems it took me 30 of drinking to get here so 51 days really isnt that long and i am still learning.  sometimes that sucks.whatever i am rambling trying to find answers where perhaps there arent anyalwaysdragonfly