it is day 45.  i was doing ok.  moving forward.  i havent had a drink.  its funny how one instance in a persons life, or one phone call can change your whole perspective and emotional state.  those few brief moments making you question everything whether rationally or irrationally.  i know it is about choices we can make and how we deal with pressure or grief or any situation but until you are expeincing it yourself, it is more difficult that just saying you can do it. i dont want to drink again.  i am in a bad moment.  hanging on you might say and anyone who has read the little blurbs at the botton of the chat box, i suppose i have tied a rope in the end of my rope and i'm just hanging on..... alwaysdragonfly