well its saturday and day 19. i'm not sure how i feel? i keep getting headaches but hopefully those will go away. i think the worst part for me right now is the drepression. the ups and downs throughout the day seem ongoing. one minute fine then i start thinking and i am down. i also notice that i still am finding excuses to want to drink especially at night. that is when i would drink and with thinking clearly now and facing some issues i am facing i seem to think it will still go away if i have a drink. i know better but i'm still rationalizing to myself that i can have just one. (if they had a smiley with rolling eyes i would have inserted it here lol)i think that is the odd part, i know better yet i am still trying to rationalize and find excuses to drink. i hate sounding like i am whining all the time and it seems that is what i do when i do my journal. i'm just having a hard time finding that way to be happy without drinking. i mean i thought it made me happy but now i am not sure of anything. maybe today will be a different day.
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You\'re not whining, none of us are. This is a very hard thing to do, a complete change of lifestyle, and that is never easy to do. If we don\'t talk about it, then we\'ll surely just go back to the way we were. I keep trying to rationalize, too, saying, hey, I can have just a couple of drinks tonight, it\'s Saturday, it\'s my anniversary, my husband is at a golf tournament right now drinking beer all day long and when he gets home we are supposed to go to that party tonight. The thought will slip into my head that I can have two or three tonight and then I\'ll be right back on the straight and narrow tomorrow, but for one thing, I\'ll be disappointed that I let myself down and for another, I just know that if I let myself do that, and I\'ve broken my two week record, then next week I\'ll just think, well I\'ve already drank Sat nite, so it won\'t hurt if I have one tonight, too (kind of like when you are on a diet and you cave in and eat something you shouldn\'t and then you feel like, oh, well, I\'ve ruined it now) and then I\'ll be right back into my same old routine. I keep thinking, too, how nice it would be to have a drink, but it really never was nice anymore..it didn\'t make me feel good, it made me feel bad. It wasn\'t fun at all, it was just the opposite. So, keep rationalizing to yourself that you\'re doing the right thing and stay with it. It\'s normal to be depressed, I think, anyway. I have been off and on, even in the same day, half the day I\'m fine and then all of a sudden it will change to a feeling of doom and hopelessness and what do I have to look forward to now? 19 days is awesome. You should be really proud of yourself for doing this and realize what a strong woman you are and you will only become stronger without any alcohol in your system to bring/break you down. I hope you can have a happier day today. :)
Your ok you are right where you are suppose to be. (Im sure you wanted to hear that)Sometimes minute by minute others day by day. It only get\'s better..