i find myself on this emotional rollar coaster, letting certain people in my life affect me emotionally to the extent that i crave, no need to drink.  it seems just when i am getting my shit together someone comes back into my life or contacts me and sets me off.  today is day 12 of being sober for me and yesterday i almost messed that up to the point i would have hated myself today or worse.  i am already depressed so the added anxiety of my past didnt help.  i have come to realize after a difficult night that it is time i left these people who affect me this negitavely behind.  gjm you were right, this is about me no one else.  if i dont do it for me, if i let others affect me to the point of drinking how can i be here formy kids?  after a lapse in judgement and losing my ability to be rational for a day i calmed and talked with some here and although i was bad company, i started to think.  i didnt drink.  i feel better for that today.  it doesnt mean my issues are over or solved but it does show me, myself that i can make it past a bad moment.   this is new.  normally i would have drank to the point of passing out or blacking out and probably both.  i am taking a sigh of relief.  i am not responsible for other peoples actions or how they choose to live but i am responsible for me.  i wont feel guilty for that anymore or atleast i will try my damnest to not feel guilty for other peoples actions or reactions. 

am i the only person with this shit going on in my life.  it can be so lonely.