Ugh!  I hate this.  I hate where I am now.  I've know for awhile that it would help to type out my thoughts.  So here goes.  I have an alcohol problem.  Wow, had to use spell check for "alcohol" even when it is such a big part of my life.  I'm not sure when it started, and I'm afraid to sit and figure it out.  I know that alot of memories lately have a link to "I was so drunk then" or " I was so hung over then".  I am 42.  I have a 10 year old and a 9 year old.  I home school my children.  My kids are behind in school because at first I didn't know what I was doing and then I took on way too much (like an 18 y/o step daughter I never knew existed and caring for my elderly mother thru a stroke and brain surgery) and then I started drinking.  MY KIDS ARE BEHIND IN SCHOOL BECAUSE OF ME.  I HATE this.  Ok, trying to remember this is not me writing to people.  This is me being honest with me.  I know I have to make a change.  If I continue this way, I will lose my marriage.  I will hinder my children.  I could lose my children.  I will die prematurely for alcohol related reasons.  More on the next entry.