Another day

Pretty low key day.  I only had one patient scheduled this afternoon, so went in for my one appointment and that was it. I was able to leave Jax with my dad so he could chill out and relax today. He is still recovering from his weekend fun camping.  He was able to sleep in this morning and just take it easy.  He was thrilled this afternoon when I surprised him with some Thai lunch that I picked up for him on the way back home.  
Still no news from his "dad" who is home on leave.  Oh well, his "dads"  (sperm donor, I should say) loss.  Unfrickin-believable.  On vacation for a week now and the guy cant even pick up the god damn phone to call and say hello.  I know he is not capable, stable, or even ok..and I need to come to terms with this. Im ok with him not seeing him as it gives me one less thing to worry about, I just HATE that my son feels so rejected by his own father.  2 more years of this shit...and then Jax gets to make the decision if he wants to go and see him or not.  I am betting right now that when the time comes..Jax will be like..whatever dude.   I know what comes with this territory and Im just waiting for the sad soldier crap he will pull looking for sympathy for his own damn choices. Im so not playing this game. I wont take responsibility for it.  
Thankfully tomorrow is my Alanon home group meeting day...I obviously need it with the projecting statement I just wrote.  ugh. 
A bright spot...tomorrow my good friend Danielle is coming to visit and Jax will be able to spend the day with his good buddy Kenny. Danielle and I have some catching up to do and cant wait to see her.
I got a short message from Jay today.  It was just a quicky facebook message, but it thats all right.. I love every little message I can get.   He is SUPER busy, the fighting this summer has been very heavy, and the worst of it happens during this time.  Its hard being away from him. I miss him so much that I cant even describe it.  Some days are easier than others, today was a tough one, but the little message I got certainly picked me up and reminded me that he misses me as much as I miss him. I know its all worth it.. I just want him to be home and safe.   And yes, Im being somewhat selfish when I say that I just want to get on with our lives together.   I found my dream wedding dress...  :)   When I married my ex we wedding dress, no big ceremony, no party.  I dont regret it, I just want it to be different this it should.
I really love that guy......  I just miss him so so so much....



Just back home from Africa and reading your journals -- am a bit jet-lagged, so hesitate to say much now, but wanted you to know that I totally hear what you are saying about Jax\'s dad. And am happy you can see your bright spots!