#2

Today started VERY VERY BAD as i rolled out of bed and sludged my way to the shoulder i went and played some music and i nearly missed work because of how bad i was breaking down in the shower, I didnt even wanna come into work after that. But i went and saw my therapist for a half hour session and broke down pretty bad in there as well. He referred me to the other therapist i have saw before to recieve a psyc val and possibly go into group meetings ( hopefully ) And possibly be seen by a psyc doc who can help me out by trying diffrent meds, He is scared for me at this point and that alone scares the shit outta me as many pro wrestlers that have lost the ability to do what they love 9 times out of 10 commit suicide or OD on something. I just need to find a way to keep myself from that situation but i can feel it coming like death is right on my ass scraching and clawing at me. Im scared and terrified at where i know my mind is possibly taking my body too.
Nobody in my life besides my mom cares to talk me down from time to time and shes 2000 miles away my wife understands but doesnt talk about it because she knows how easily i become irritated when i talk about whats wrong with me.....
I just hope there is actual hope for me to come out of this i dont wanna fail but its becoming a stronger feeling day to day that im destined to go down that horrible road.