it's so hard to write this all down.  it makes it so much more real, but i guess that's the point.  "sbtx" is way too nice & neat.  one minute i want him to be "ex" and the next i want to beg him to come home.  most of the time, i'm far too stubborn for that, so i guess that's a blessing in some kind of clothing.today i thought i was doing ok.  granted, i looked at my phone every two minutes to see if i'd missed anything, but i wasn't crying for a change.  wouldn't you know, when i was getting gas i missed a call & he left a voicemail.  said he was sorry to bother me but left something at the house that he needed.  i called back to say i was out of town & couldn't accommodate his request.  he told me he'd taken all of his stuff and that he'd leave the key after he got what he needed out.  asked me to call and let him know when i got back in town, acted concerned about my transportation & told me there was "no one else."  been home for hours & again, i'm too stubborn to call...what's the point?  note:  he hasn't cared enough to call me.  perhaps he's with "no one else."  but he didn't get his stuff (other than the specific thing he called about) but did leave the house keys.  thoughts of angela bassett burning belongings come to mind (exhale), as do selling his weight bench for the money he stole from me this weekend (took my ATM card--he's not on the account but had the pin # from times i'd let him use it).  i know this has been coming for a long time, but that doesn't make it any less gutwrenching.  the anniversary of pregnancy news & miscarriage is fast approaching too so i'm not anticipating this is going to get any less painful anytime soon.  this isn't "one day at a time" by any stretch.  minute by minute, hour by hour...