trying to sort through everything because there's just so much crap!  been with this guy for several years & been through the death of his sister, miscarriage of our baby, not to mention the sh*t i went through in the beginning because he lied about being "single."  he's had 2 health scares in two years, both related to a weakened heart muscle, both resulting in him not being able to work.  yet he won't do anything the dr's advise...quit or at least slow down his drinking & quit smoking.  bitching and nagging about these haven't done anything but make things worse, so i quit trying.  he says he doesn't need a woman who tries to be his parent.  i say i want a man who is alive, not dead.  i understand that lifelong habits/dependencies are not going to be changed overnight.  i've had several  close friends die suddenly...one Od'd & one killed in a car/train wreck.  it just kills me to sit here and watch him do nothing to try to improve his health.  it's been over 5 years since my friend's died.  i can't imagine waking up one morning to his dead body, or getting a call telling me he's gone.  friday night, he got mad because i would not drink with him.  i finally gave in after listening to how much i've changed and how it wasn't fair for me to be one way when we got together and want to change on him now.  after being out for several hours, i was ready to come home.  he didn't want to, after all he's here "all day, every day."  he said he was going to buy "one more 1/2 pint," & would then be back home.  this was around 8:30 pm.  about an hour later i started trying to call him...no answer.  finally at 5:00 am saturday morning he comes home, saying he'd passed out in his car after drinking at a friend's house.  hmmm...no doubt we've had serious trust issues for a long time, and he just doesn't see how this really doesn't help.  he said he was sorry...i should just forget it and shut up about it.i asked him to leave and i know i need to stick to it this time.  we've been on this freaking rollercoaster for far too long now.  i want to be there for him, but he makes it abundantly clear that my feelings and needs don't mean shit.