Today.

Ok so today, I decided not to go to school. Not because I have a test or a lot of homework to do I actually did all my homework for once in my life, but I am just in one of those "I don't want to do anything today"moods. I tried to sleep in but that didn't work I was just laying down and couldn't fall back to sleep. I think I am really stressing out about things I've done as of lately. got pulled over for running a red light and there was like no way to stop probably cause I was speeding who knows it all happened to fast to even recount. Well thats irrelevant, my first ticket is the most expensive one sucks so bad always setting me back somehow. Then about two nights ago I tried to call and text my ex for reasons I can't even explain I just started to call because I miss her so much just wanted to see how she was doing also if she was happy I guess I really don't know what I would say IF she picked up...she didn't I got no reply and I am stuck just wondering what is wrong with me. So I am left to believe that I am not one to talk to at all. I keep to myself often now, I don't really have any friends that I get along with anymore so it's just me looking at this world alone. I always wonder when I am walking around school if people are talking bad about me how I had a nice life and just straight ruined it doing dumbass shit. I wonder if they say she played me, probably. I wonder if they still think I am a bad drug addict, probably. I haven't given people a reason to believe that I have changed, but I definatly have. Going through life without having anyone to trust is extremly difficult and now I see how hard it is keeping allmy emotions bottled up inside me. The only people I seek refuge from is for my friends on this site who help me out tons. I love getting messages on here because it's not like I get them anywhere else I like it here...
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi. Story time lol. So, I used to be made fun of and talked about behind my back all the time in high school. They said I was addicted to meth & all this other shit, None of it was true. I would walk around the halls at lunch time because no one talked to me. If people did talk to me, they were ashamed to be seen with me. I had guys I was friends with benefits with, but I knew they were just using me. I always wondered what was so wrong with me. When I finally met nice people, it was very hard to trust them. I got sent to the \"bad\" school for too many absences. Then I got kicked out of there and put on homeschooling. I felt like a failure, like I couldn\'t handle life. Looking back I would have done everything the same. It was a really hard time and I made it through & I\'m proud.
AdamTyler
AdamTyler

I love it! I can totally relate. I would walk around schoolyards while everyone was at lunch or whatever and I would just be walking alone knowing people were probably talking shit. I tried not to let it bother me, but like you said when you don\'t know who your real friends are no matter how hard you try it will always get to you because at the time I was young and actually listened and believed what people told me. I had goof friends when I got to high school and when I had a girlfriend I was actually liked by many, but then things started to spiral downward. I was caught up in things I never imagined, but I loved what you had to say! I can definatly say that similar things were goin on with me too...