In the last few days I have been extremly busy trying to find out what has been going on in my life. It has finally came to me and it's official my life has turn to nothing. I am nothing for letting this happen in the first place though. My friends are doing drugs, getting high, and drunk that they don't even care anymore about anything. I have a non-stop fight with my ex-girlfriends boyfriend and I have finally made my decision to just hit him next time he says something to me. He abuses drinking, lies to her, and I am trying to see if her cheats on her. I just don't know who to turn to anymore. I have so little outlets to turn to, so when no one was there for me I went to the beach and solved my problems by drinking. I didn't want to but I had no choice. I guess I get the feeling of rejection when I can't find someone to talk to. On friday I took a drive to my friends house as I walk in the house then are smoking on top of the roof and looking like complete idiots, I didn't say anything to them I just walked in and started talking to this new girl I meet, she was smoking a cigarette-So I smiked my first cigerette on friday and I have had 4 since. I can't imagine the things I am attempting to do. So when I was done I started to drive to my other friends house I get there and he is with his gf and some of her friends, most of them are drunk and the others are high. I am incomplete shock to see some of the girls in there looked like they would never touch something like that. I am being more corrupted when I sat down. I went to get a drink and they bombared me with questions I didn't feel like answering, So I answered as best as I could to not get mad. Then I drove to the bon-fire we planned to have and right then I see my ex the one I love so much, just sitting there all alone in the dark, away from her friends, So what do I do at that point? All these questions run through my head. like, -Should I go talk to her?- -Does she want to be talked to?- -What happend that made her be alone?- -Is she mad at me?- -Will I get in trouble if I talk to her?- I am just standing there and I got the decision to walk away from her and go to the bench at the beach where the best night of my life happened. Just to think of her. Then she shows up to talk to me, and she sits down next to me. I was getting kind of watery-eyed as I was thinking of my past with her, I mean I didn't let her see me cry I wanted to look stronger than that. We sat down and I bought food and we just had this good night together then I asked her if she was happy with her boyfriend and she says, "What buisness is that of yours" and she slapped me.......yes slapped me. I was like you know what I took the time to talk to you and tell her how beautiful she is and that is how she treats me?  wow. That ruined my night.  I am just trying to get through the night then so I just drank on the bench and did nothing I guess I spent the night there because I woke up on the sand not knowing anything I was out of everything and I had sand dug up beside me. And just think this is only my friday. I was out Friday and Saturday the whole two days I have a lot more where this stuff comes from. Ill just let you read this one first.